The Child
by SuperGirl
Summary: Angel deals with the birth of his son. C/A-ness :) Part 4 is up!
1. The First Few Days

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Disclaimer: I do not own any of it. I'm borrowing it for a short period of time. 

Cordelia walked into the Hyperion and stopped, being very careful not to disrupt the scene she had just stumbled into. It was one of those scenes you need a camera to capture so you can frame it and remember it forever.

Angel stood by the front desk, cradling the baby in his arm, his baby. His face was a mixture of worry and love, as if he didn't know what exactly he was supposed to be doing. The boy in his arms was silent, the first time in a long time. 

Finally, Angel sensed Cordelia and turned to her, keeping the baby close to him. For a moment, neither of them said anything, what was there to say? Cordelia walked over to the father and child slowly, Angel's eyes never leaving her. She stopped in front of him and looked down at the sleeping boy in his arms. 

"You got him to sleep," she whispered, watching the small chest rise and fall with every breath. Angel nodded.

"Fred and Wesley were in here before but they couldn't get him to be quiet. I guess he knows who his dad is," there was some uncertainty in his voice. Cordelia looked back up at him. "Cordelia, I dont know if I can do it. I'm not human, I'm not fit to raise a human child. I can't take him out for ice cream during the day, or watch his baseball games, I can't give him a normal life. I can't even guarentee I'll be around to watch him grow up." The baby stirred slightly in his arms as his voice rose. 

Cordelia looked from child to father before speaking. "It's not going to be easy, but I'll help. We'll all help you. No one asked you if you wanted this, but you can't turn your back on it now." She took the baby from him and remarkably, the child slept on. 

Angel watched her pace the room, bouncing the child gently in her arms. After a moment of silence, Cordelia spoke again, "what are you going to name him?"

Angel shrugged, and sat down. The thought naming the baby hadn't really passed through his mind, he'd been to concerned with everything else that was going on. 

"Dont worry, Fred and I will come up with a name," she assured him, still looking at the boy. Angel's eyes never left Cordelia. She'll make a great mother, he thought, then stood up.

"Go sleep," Cordelia told him, without looking up, voicing what Angel had been planning to do. Angel walked to the stairs, but stopped before mounting them.

"Cordy-" she waved for him to stop, and looked at him. 

"You're welcome," she said. Angel smiled and headed upstairs.


	2. One Year Later

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[A/N: I gave in and wrote a continuation! The song is "A Song for Sleeping," by the Stone Temple Pilots. I do not own the song, nor do I own the characters in the story. And the name of the baby is just one I'm using. It's not a spoiler, it's just a Gaelic name that I found]

//_Finally I've met you, the day has come, you're more then beautiful, and you're my son._ _I don't deserve this, I never thought it could be quite like the moment when y ou first smiled at me. A toothless wonderful feeling like I'd never seen_//

It had been a year since Angel had watched Darla die, 365 days since she left the crying baby in his arms. Now, he listened from his room as little baby Carson began to cry. Getting up from his bed, he walked into the child's room, but not before Cordelia had.

She was leaning over the crib, talking in a hushed voice to soothe the baby. Picking him up, she began to gently bounce the baby up and down. She didn't notice Angel watching her from the doorway.

Cordelia had been living at the Hyperion since Carson was born, always there to help with anything Angel needed. She was always the first to go to him when he woke up crying, and was there to watch him while Angel went to kill the bad guys.

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Cordelia loved being the one to soothe Carson. She would stand by the window and imagine that he was her baby, and she and Angel were happily married. She could never tell anyone she fantasized about that, Angel would be completely humiliated if he knew she had feelings like that for him. 

So she stood alone in the dead of night by the window, talking quietly to the child in her arms, imagining Angel was waiting for her back in bed. 

She was so wrapped up in her image that she didn't hear Angel enter the room and walk up behind her. If he had cast a reflection, she would have seen it, but instead it was Carson who noticed his dad. 

"Why did he wake up?" Angel asked. Cordelia shrugged.

"I don't know, he hasn't done this in a long time. Maybe he was just lonely." 

Angel took a deep breath of the room; Cordelia's hair mixed with the smell of Carson's baby lotions filled his nostrils. It was a warm comforting smell.

"You should go get some sleep," he said to Cordelia, taking the baby from her arms. She slumped into a rocking chair by the crib and watched Angel with the baby.

"I'm fine, I'm used to not sleeping," she replied, tucking her legs underneath her to be more comfortable. A comfortable silence followed, neither saying anything, but enjoying each other's company. The child's sobs had been reduced to soft hiccups. 

"I really appreciate everything you've done, Cordy," said Angel, breaking the silence, "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here. You've done more then I've asked and I've never told you how much it's meant to me."

Cordelia made a noise that was sort of a half sigh and half word, and Angel took another deep breath.

"There was something else I wanted to tell you, Cordelia," he said, turning, but Cordelia was asleep. Smiling slightly, Angel put Carson back in his bed and grabbed a quilt that lay beside it. He draped the quilt over Cordelia and watched her sleep for a minute.

"I think I'm in love with you," he said softly, and left the room with no one to witness his confession.

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//And when you lie down to sleep I'll protect you from the demons of the night, while I'm watching you grow//


	3. Always on my Mind

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{ACK!! I've got the best idea!! I'm gonna have 2 more parts, well, one after thisit's gonna blow you away! Haha, I hope. J Anyway, thank you guys SO MUCH for your reviews, seriously, it's means the world to me to know that I have an ounce of talent. KEEP REVIEWING!!

I don't own the characters; I'm just borrowing them. The song in the fic is "Always on my Mind" by Elvis Presley.]

As the chords of the traditional wedding song filled the hall, the bride began to walk down the aisle of the hall. 5 year old Carson watched from his spot at the altar as the light reflected off her brown hair and she smiled at the man she was about to marry.

When she reached him, the judge began to go through the act of marrying them. Bored, he started for a seat, but Cordelia grabbed the back of his shirt. 

"You have to stay here," she said quietly, "you're the ring bearer, they need those rings."

"But mom-"

"It'll just be a few more minutes," she said, tightening the grip on his shirt collar, and watching as two of her best friends exchanged their vows. Soon Carson gave them the rings and ran to an empty seat. The people in the hall laughed and he slumped down in his seat.

From behind Wesley, Cordelia could see Angel watching her. She had noticed this a lot recently, but had been to busy with wedding preparations to say anything. 

She was startled out of her thoughts by the piano playing again and Wesley and Fred began to walk back down the aisle. Cordelia smiled as she watched him, but at the same time, tears began to fill her eyes. They were lucky they had found each other. 

The reception was almost as beautiful; they had decorated the Hyperion and set up a stage where Lorne was to sing. Members of both families filled the lobby, all informed that what Lorne was wearing was simply a costume that was an inside joke.

Cordelia sat at one of the tables that had been set up, watching as the newly-weds began their first dance. A shadow fell over her and she looked up into Angel's face.

"How are you?" he asked, "you've been quiet all night."

Cordelia shrugged. "I always get a little sad at weddings, you know, the reminder that I'm alone is kind of upsetting."

There was a pause and Angel shifted his weight nervously, "do you want to dance?" Cordelia shrugged and stood up.

Angel took her in his arms and she rested her head on his shoulder as Lorne's voice echoed through the Hyperion.

"Maybe I didn't treat you, quite as good as I should have

Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have.

Little things I should have said and done

I just never took the time"

"I like this song," said Cordelia softly, "it's so sweet." Angel nodded, trying to etch every detail into his mind, the lights of the room, the smell of Cordelia's hair, the feeling of someone tugging on his pant leg.

He looked down to see Carson staring up at them. Cordelia smiled and lifted him up.

"Do you wanna dance with me?" she asked him and he nodded, leaning his head on her shoulders and closing his eyes. Cordelia looked up at Angel who was watching her. 

"I'll put him to bed. He's had a long day," she shifted his weight a bit, and went upstairs.

Angel sat down in her seat and watched the couples on the dance floor. He wanted to tell Cordelia how he felt, but he could never find the right moment. Every time it seemed right, something would happen and he wouldn't do it. Maybe it was fate, he thought, telling him to back off. 

He was startled out of his thoughts by the girl that was on his mind. She sat down in the chair beside him, her pale blue dress contrasting against her dark hair that was set in tight curls. 

Cordelia looked at Angel out of the corner of her eye. In the 11 years she had known him, she had never seen him dressed up like this, in a real suit instead of his duster and black v-neck shit. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but in the suit he looked different, more distinguished.

Angel took a deep breath, deciding he was going to do it. He was going to tell her he loved her right now. 

"Cordelia!" Fred came running over, throwing her arms around her best friend, "isn't everything amazing? You really did a good job, thank you so much!" 

"It was nothing," said Cordelia, smiling, "don't you and Wesley have a honeymoon to get to?"

Fred turned pink around her ears, but grinned, "yeah, that's why I came over, to say goodbye." She gave Cordelia another hug and then gave one to Angel. "Say bye to Carson too, ok? See you in two weeks!" She turned and walked quickly to Wesley who was waiting by the door of the Hyperion for her. 

"Speaking of leaving, I'm gonna turn in," Cordelia said, standing up. Angel stood up, his mind racing.

"Wait, Cordelia," she turned, and looked at him confused. She had never heard him sound so desperate unless someone was in danger. Angel searched for the words.

"Is everything ok?" Cordelia asked.

"Yeah, I justyou look really pretty tonight. I just wanted to tell you that." Cordelia blushed just a little, but enough for Angel to notice.

"You look nice too," she gave him a kiss on the cheek, "I'll see you tomorrow." With that, she retreated up the steps to her room.


	4. Wish Upon Tonight

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[Ack! So the baby's name is Connorwhy didn't I _think of that?? What an awsome namealright, so let's just pretend his name has always been Connor, alright? Although his name isn't mentioned so much in this one. Also, I've read a couple spoilers that will contradict a lot of what I've been writing, but bear in mind this is FICTION._

One other thing, to fully get in the mood for this one, download "To Where You Are" by Josh Groban. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE! Enjoy the fourth and final part of my story! And thanks to Lllygirl2001 for the idea!

I don't own any of the characters. The song belongs to Josh Groban. I'm only borrowing them.]

Dad doesn't smile much anymore; it's almost as if he forgot how to. I don't blame him though, we're all still hurting, he's just worse. Mom always used to tell me never to end up as broody as he is. If she thought he was broody then

They told me the whole story when I was 13 figuring I was old enough to handle it all. It doesn't matter how old you are; finding out that your parents aren't who you thought they were is kind of a shock. I mean, Dad's a vampire and Mom isn't even related to me! Once the initial shock wore off, things went back to normal again, I even continued calling Cordelia Mom' which she said she liked better. She may not have been my biological mother but she was there for me more then anyone else in my seventeen years on this planet. 

Not to say Dad wasn't, he was there as much as he could be. If I had a question about history homework, he was there with a first-hand account of what had gone on, but when it came to my first little league game, he had to settle with a video that mom had made.

The two of them always claimed their friendship was completely platonic, but I had seen things that contradicted that. Looks they gave each other when the other wasn't looking, or looks that they'd exchange when they thought I wasn't looking. 

Neither of them talked much about their pasts. They said it was too painful or too embarrassing to relate what they were like in previous years. Every time I asked mom about high school, she laughed and walked away.

The laughter's gone now.

I remember the night it left more vividly then any other. I was working on a Chemistry project and Fred was helping me. We were joking around about something, I can't remember what, when Wesley and Gunn came into the lobby. I could hear the rain from outside and I noticed blood on their clothing.

"Fred, Connor, you need to come with us," said Wesley, panting.

My heart pounded as we raced through the dark streets towards the hospital. Mom was hurt. Badly. 

When I got to her room, I found Dad holding her hand to his face and when he looked up at me, I could see the places where tears had run down his cheeks. Without saying a word, I sat opposite him, taking her other hand in mine. 

More then anything I wanted to be strong for Dad, but when the steady beep of the heart monitor became one long, steady note, the tears were there in my eyes and I clung desperately to her hand as the doctors came running in.

The funeral was beautiful. Fred got it all ready for her, even got her parents to show up. Dad didn't though. Afterwards, I went home and we got into our first real argument.

"Where were you?" I asked him, storming into his office. He looked up from the book he was reading.

"I was busy."

"Bullshit!" I yelled the first swear word I had ever used in one of my parent's presence, "it was Cordelia!"

"I know! Cordelia's supposed to be in the lobby, telling me to stop my brooding and smile. She's supposed to be helping me with a big case coming up. She's supposed to be with me when I live again."

"But she's dead!" 

He stood up and for a moment I thought he might actually hit me. Instead, he pulls me into his arms in a fierce hug. I was shocked; I'd never seen my dad so vulnerable.

"I loved her," he said, "so much. I never told her though, and now she's gone."

He let me go and turned towards the bookcase, staring at it as if he was waiting for it to talk to him. I turned to leave but his voice stopped me.

"She was my everything." I waited for more, my hand resting on the doorknob, but he was quiet. I left his office and we never talked of that night again.

Slowly, things began to go back to almost normal. Fred and Wesley took me out a lot and Gunn would hang out with me, all of them trying to take my mind off mom. Dad seemed to avoid me though, but Wesley explained that it was most likely because I reminded him of her.

One night, I went up to my room, tired from a long day to find Dad standing by my window. His hands were in his pockets and he was looking down.

"She used to hold you here," he said finally, looking up and out the window. I moved to stand beside him, my shoulders almost touching his. "She loved you like you were her own, Connor. She knew she'd never have a child of her own so she happily took you."

"Dad, you don't-"

"No, it's ok," he took a deep breath before continuing, "she gave up so much when she started working for me. She was this beautiful, wild bird that I captured and caged. She deserved so much better. You deserved better." 

There was another silence, and Dad turned to leave the room. As he reached the door, I turned to him.

"Dad-" I started, but he stopped me, almost as if he had been reading my thoughts.

"Go," he said, a shadow of a smile playing on his face, and then he left the room.

Now I'm on the bus, only hours after we had that talk. I have so many questions, and I know this is the only way to get the answers. It's hard to stay awake now, but I make myself since I know we're almost there. The first rays of sun light the sky and I press my face to the glass to read the green sign as we pass it.

Welcome to Sunnydale.

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//Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star. I wish upon tonight, to see you smile, if only for awhile to know you're there. A breath away's not far to where you are.//


End file.
